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Accidental Turkey

The Challenge:

This week, we're making Accidental Turkey [Mary: Who knew the name would be so apropos?], found here or on page 120-121 of Foolproof.

Lea's Take:

Turkey - just in time for Thanksgiving...when someone else can make it for us!

Man, I hate working with raw poultry. It's funny, too, since we eat so much chicken in this house, but I hate the process. I think it mostly stems from the time, a few years ago, my BFF's family was sick from salmonella for an entire winter. It took months for her children to get over it. I really don't want that.

Aaaaanyway, just like we did with that chicken dish, I had to play with a headless little person. The directions tell you to wash the turkey inside (gag) and out. I, of course, didn't know what "washing" entailed. Do we use soap? So, I went to my trusty friend, Google.

To save you some time, the answer is no, you do not use soap.

And hey, remember when we've told you (multiple times now) how you're supposed to read the recipe first? Yeah, so, I didn't do that again. Or, rather, I did, but not thoroughly. The proof is in this text exchange with Mary:

See how much I pay attention? And then, I was sitting here, thinking... "So, I bought the turkey on Monday, prepping it 2 days later, and then it has to sit in the fridge another 2-3 days." I then went to the garbage to check the sell-by date. I figured if Mary's silly philosophy on those dates is true, we should be fine. Guess what? The sell or freeze by date was Monday. And I had already prepped this stupid turkey. So, then this conversation happened (ignore my typo. stupid autocorrect.):

Back to the store for turkey #2! As I threw out turkey #1, I heard the wobbly voice of Sally Struthers in my head, reminding me there are starving children in Africa. The only good news about this whole ordeal was that I already knew what to do, so the second prep took much less time.

(silver lining, you guys.)

Anyway, as stated above, the recipe says the bird should brine in the fridge 2-3 days before cooking and then the day before, take the plastic wrap off and leave in the fridge one more day (gross). I did as it said. It was only until I threw the thyme, lemon, and onion (with peel - weird) into the cavity and got ready to tie the legs together that I realized... my turkey had no legs. Or wings for that matter.

Have I ever told you guys how dumb I am in the kitchen?! Good grief.

So then there was this text exchange (note that I ask Mary about the onion with skin - it's still weird).

(also notice the turkey telling me, "You're an idiot.")

I went upstairs and laughed-s0-hard-I-cried for a solid 20 minutes. Mr. Picky Pants asked me if I was OK.

No. No, I am not.

Anyway, Josh made a slip knot and somehow tied the dambird together... only one lemon fell out when we turned it back over.

Mary and John came over for dinner, with her (naturally) bringing the majority of our meal: butternut squash, green bean casserole, green bean bundles, and gravy [Mary: And wine, of course!]. We added mashed potatoes and a salad and waited for our turkey to cook. After several attempts to cook the breast-only bird (had to take it off the bone to cook) [Mary: Let me explain: we tested the temp of the meat and took it out at the recommended 165°, then let it rest, but it was still pink. Took it off the bone and stuck it back in the oven for another 10 minutes or so. Thought it would be helpful to let you know.], we finally ate:

Mary's Take:

Good gravy, what a mess. I meant, looks delicious, right?

I thought I'd graciously allow Lea to be the solo challenge player this week since both of us didn't need to make a 12-14 lb. turkey. And, you know, since we'll be making it again in a couple of weeks. And, you know, since she's left me to be the solo player a few times now.

She even suggested it! Who was I to tell her no?

I thought we were eating over her house on Thursday, but since she didn't read the recipe and had to start all. over. again., we moved it to Friday (Sorry, God, for eating meat on a Friday! I tried to justify it by saying God wouldn't want us to waste food, but since Lea already threw out a turkey, that's hardly an argument. The guilt is real, y'all.). [Lea: Word.]

Side note: I made green bean casserole and green bean bundles for the first time ever!

The Results:

Lea: I thought it was fine, if a little dry. The pan juices really made the turkey so there was no need for gravy, in my opinion. Now that I'm an expert in this dish, I'll make it again. [Mary: Great, you can bring the bird on (our socially-distanced) Thanksgiving!]

Josh: (I didn't write down what everyone said, but I'm pretty sure his response was positive.)

Mary: I thought the turkey was really good. And neither John nor I found it dry. I agree that the pan juices were great poured over the meat. I bet if we had a whole turkey it would have made more. As it was, we had to ration that beautiful sauce. The skin was deliciously golden and crisp, thanks to the day uncovered in the fridge.

And the fact that no one was poisoned? Winner Winner Turkey Dinner! [Lea: Heh.]

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Looks pretty good Lea!! Great job! I think you guys need to post all your txt between each other...they cracked me up!! Wondering what was blocked out though...hahaha

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